On her inaugural visit to Manhattan, Turtle and I also made stops at Christian Louboutin, where she cozied up to a glittery $6,395 stiletto, and I, trying to snap a photo, was told, “Turtles are allowed, but no photography”; E.A.T., the high-end delicatessen, where I had a bowl of borscht and the turtle hydrated from, and also in, a dish of water provided by our waiter; NK Hair Salon, where a manicurist agreed to give Turtle a pedicure for an upcoming bar mitzvah (“You’ll have to hold her toes down under the dryer”); Maison du Chocolat; and the Frank E. Campbell Funeral Chapel, to inquire whether I could pre-pay for the turtle’s burial. “But it will outlive us all,” a sombrely dressed representative said in a sombre consultation room.
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c.) see ridiculous photos of myself and our lovely staff.
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Most women have not developed tools for facing anger constructively. CR groups in the past, largely white, dealt with how to express anger, usually at the world of men. And these groups were made up of white women who shared the terms of their oppressions. There was usually little attempt to articulate the genuine differences between women, such as those of race, color, age, class, and sexual identity. There was no apparent need at that time to examine the contradictions of self, woman as oppressor. There was work on expressing anger, but very little on anger directed against each other. No tools were developed to deal with other women’s anger except to avoid it, deflect it, or flee from it under a blanket of guilt.
The angers between women will not kill us if we can articulate them with precision, if we listen to the content of what is said with at least as much intensity as we defend ourselves against the manner of saying. When we turn from anger we turn from insight, saying we will accept only the designs already known, deadly and safely familiar. I have tried to learn my anger’s usefulness to me, as well as its limitations.”
But the strength of women lies in recognizing differences between us as creative, and in standing to those distortions which we inherited without blame, but which are now ours to alter. The angers of women can transform difference through insight into power. For anger between peers births change, not destruction, and the discomfort and sense of loss it often causes is not fatal, but a sign of growth.
I woke up before dawn and have been reading, filled with [something] inarticulate.
Last week, I bumped into a very famous music artist. She started talking to me about her nails and her hair extensions, and how getting this stuff done makes her feel like a woman, and she has to have so much money to get this stuff done because she’s a woman and that’s what being a woman is. I thought to myself,That’s very interesting, because what makes me a woman is when I know I’ve produced a song myself—when I’ve found an artist to work with, given him a beat to work on and told him what I wanted, and he’s given it back to me and it’s what I’d envisioned as a producer.
Or when I’ve made a video and released it into the world. That’s what makes me feel like a woman. Like, fuck anything else—fuck how tall I am or how long my hair is! This is the absolute epitome of what makes me feel like an adult, and like I’m handling my business. I’ve sat in front of my computer at three o’clock in the morning and I’ve made something myself that I had to learn how to do that was very difficult. When you find something easy, that’s a talent, but when you find something difficult, that’s when you get to really work and push and challenge yourself.
I’m not saying that [that artist’s] image is invalid, because that might be where she gets her power from. Everyone is different. But for me, there’s something about learning that makes me feel the most adult I’ve ever felt.”
Alex’s A Song A Day is the best part of every day. You should sign up.